Monday, July 03, 2006

JP: The Center for Prenatal Advice and Predictions

Macho seems to be the consensus from the baby bump experts. Saturday, at the hardware store, while waiting for Alex I sat down to give my bear paw feet a rest. A very friendly woman from the Dominican Republic decided to join me, grope me, and give me her opinion on what I'm having. Her opinion: "Que macho!" Bingo, but she could have just asked me.

Although the above baby oracle is clearly knowledgeable about boy vs. girl bumps her declaration required groping whereas the man in a wheelchair, going top speed down Centre Street, who passed and yelled "You're having a boy!" Needed no hands-on time to make his judgment—he wins the blue ribbon.

The same hardware store with the groping lady also has a full time Dr.--call him Dr. Nosey. If you posses no medical care and need a quick consultation look no further than Yumont Hardware. Although I do have medical care I was totally oblivious to the dangers of paint. Did you know paint will melt your baby's brain? The hardware store doctor has personal experience with all sorts of brain damage-- "When my mother was pregnant with me she drank and now I have OCD." I wanted to add to his list of issues but wimped out and couldn't tell him to shut his trap and give me my paint so I could go home and guzzle some whiskey and bask in paint fumes.

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