A Very Special Place

I'd like to share some of the things that make my 'day job' so very special. After all, it is the world's most prestigious research institute, so super duper special-ness is a given. But please read this list anyway because my 'list of specials' points out very specific specialities, some that might even impress you.

1.
Out my large office window is a courtyard with a lovely tree with birds mating in it. I can also see the people in the offices bordering the courtyard, including the gent who rocks himself back and forth in his chair like a metronome. He only stops to take a bite or drink of something. I've been here since 8:30 this morning and it's now 1:00, he hasn't stopped.

2.
The simplest technology is apparently beyond the brains here. For instance indoor plumbing (flushing) is just a waste of time.

3.
Personal space is not really personal. Slamming into pregnant ladies as you race up the stairs, or standing so close to the person in front of you so that you blow dry her hair with your mouth air is okay.

4.
Ice cream spells a WHOPEE good time! Apparently a really great way to get people together is to have an ice cream social. I'm sorry did I miss something? Is this 1950? Isn't ice cream socializing a bit, uhm... juvenile and outdated? What’s next--sock hops?

5. If you want to make a fashion statement, your choices are pretty limited.
a. Wear high heels with anything you have on, even sweats.
b. Go barefoot for that special 'I might be a nerd but I'm a radical nerd' look.
c. Wear flip-flops all-day, everyday, even in blizzards.
d. Grow your facial hair like Rasputin.
e. If you want people to know you're sexually liberated wear the widely available T-shirt from the Coop which instructs you to 'Love your beaver.'

* Note: Talking to yourself while wearing any of the above fashions will not make you appear to be any smarter than you are or more of a fashionista--self-talk is the norm.

6.
If you see a pregnant lady, be afraid, very afraid. In fact, avert your eyes, her gaze will melt you.

Did I mention I have 83 days left of work, including weekends?