Monday, May 22, 2006

List Fun

I can’t help thinking how weird and cool it is that because I’m pregnant with a boy I have a penis.

The shower was splendid, we’ve been gifted with a ton of great baby items--Thanks people!

Proof that you have little control over pregnancy weight gain: In Seattle, I ate a lot of everything I wanted (including dessert every night) and rarely exercised. I gained no weight—thank god.

A swelling recipe that really works: Boil a bunch of fresh parsley with a lemon until it’s a green sludgy mess—drink it and water be gone!

A good way to test people’s sense of humor when they ask you “Are you excited to have a baby?” is to tell them you’re really glad Massachusetts has a ‘safe haven’ law (which is something like a car lemon law for babies, allowing you to drop off your unwanted baby at any fire station within 7 days of birth without being prosecuted).

Another good test of humor: When people ask what you’re naming your baby, tell them the most horrendous names possible, with a straight face, and watch them squirm. Our standard joke name is Donald Chuck. Donald is Papa Mallet’s name and Chuck is Papa Todd’s name. As individual names, they’re just fine but in combination……

Pregnancy dreams increase in bizarritude the further along you are.
Examples: I killed someone, Hid out in-disguise in an old folks home then climbed a tree full of cats.

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